Back in February, the BBC were reporting that even the world of narcotics was not immune from the competitive pressures of a shrinking global economy; Cocaine was going to become cheaper...

 

I now hear on the radio that in a bid to maintain their profit levels, those nasty drug barons – the Blaggards – are splicing supplies of cocaine with even more Vim (and all sorts). This is a terrible shame. I know for a fact that MPs and politicians are thieves and miscreants, but I thought that the one person you could still trust in modern society, was your friendly local drug dealer. Apparently not.

 

It appears that as much as 95% of the average gram, is made up of everything but cocaine: Duvet Dust and Bed Mite Body Parts; Tabasco Sauce; Polyunsaturated Fats (3%); Monosodium Glutomate (5%); Salad Cream; Tarmacadam; Natural Food Colouring and Celery Salt; Pepper-Diced Pigeeon's Toes in a Sweet Thyme Coulis; Vinegar; Petrol; The spotty round sweets in Liquorice All Sorts; and recycled Chris De Burgh records... to name but a few ingredients. There is literally only 5% of genuine fun now left in your drugs. And I'll bet that even that makes you fat.

 

So, with that in mind, why not save between £40-£60, simply by scratching the image above, and sniffing your monitor? Afterwards, simply chew your own face off and talk bollocks for 2 hours. Then just refuse to go to bed until you hear bird song. Bingo; exactly the same effect, but for no financial outlay whatsoever. 

 

I'll admit that it's going to be tricky for you to discreetly pass your computer monitor to your friends in the pub tonight, whilst limply affecting a 'welcome hand-shake', but we're currently working on a palm-held device (the iPod 'Snuffle'), which should be available soon. 

 

Yes folks, it's just one more of the credit-crunch-busting benefits that you gain, simply by subscribing to your whopping, caring, sharing Much-Better-Blog.Com

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