Following a gathering of bruised clouds in the global money markets; a deluge of gloom in the UK media; and a fairly tenacious bout of general precipitation, you'll doubtless be alarmed to hear that yet another bank has collapsed. This is clearly devastating, as you can see from the horrific on-the-spot picture below.

When the streets you once thought paved with gold,
Turn out bedecked with yellowing mould,
When the glimmer of light on horizon seen,
Is the dying ember from where your house had once been,
When the paddle you’d clung to in life’s turbulent creek,
Spears your Kayak and springs a leak,
When the straw you had clutched with such fervent belief,
Fails to supply the necessary relief,
When the grass so lush in your neighbour’s garden,
Now appears to parch and harden,
When the silver lining in cloud on high,
Rains down slivers that slice your eye,
When all you wish to do is blub,
Well, that’s the time to hit the pub.

And I’ll be there, friend, just for you.
But my wallet won’t, so the drinks are on you.

According to The Great British Press, the country is currently 'in a bit of a pickle'. I know this for a fact because I’ve been reading incisive journalistic rhetoric to this effect for the last seven-bastard-years. The media have finally got their way and their gloomy predictions have come to fruition. It seems those Fleet Street Hacks really did do their homework after all.

Optimism is a svelte blue flame that if kept alight, can ignite wonderful things. Unfortunately, the same flame can be snuffed out with the merest exhalation of exasperation or disbelief. It’s a delicate thing, to be nurtured and preserved – especially at the bleak onset of gloom.

I vividly recall feeling privileged to be in the presence of such a respected surgeon. His chin dipped as he looked over the top of his tortoise-shell spectacles and fixed me with a reassuring smile, “Shall we begin?” I solemnly nodded, suddenly growing apprehensive. The operation was the most complex procedure known to medicine, and step-by-step, he was about to show me how to do it.

I find that it's even better when you're not expecting it...