Let's face it, men just aren't designed for Christmas shopping. For starters, you need the patience of Mother Teresa, just to negotiate the gaggle of hapless consumers with their mile-wide asses (encased in ill-advised leggings and elasticated trousers). You sashay and swerve, but are still unable to thwart them as they limp three abreast down the tivoli-bedecked malls, heaving a cornucopia of plastic bags, containing toys that will be discarded and forgotten before 2010 – and gifts for adults that will only bring their recipients disappointment, disbelief and dejection... and in severe cases: suicide. 

 

I'll be honest, it's going to be pretty hard to get over the news that Katie Price and Peter Andrex [sic], are going through a private relationship split (gleefully played out with precious little dignity in the full and unremitting glare of every lifestyle comic on the newsagents' shelf). I mean; when I first saw them flirting on 'I'm Washed Up, Give My Career A Jump Start', I thought to myself, 'What a lovely, selfless couple. I'll bet they have a really happy life together'. It really seemed perfect... as though nothing could possibly go wrong for them...

Back in February, the BBC were reporting that even the world of narcotics was not immune from the competitive pressures of a shrinking global economy; Cocaine was going to become cheaper...

What do these uni-browed, spotty, pubescent suicide monkeys that ride 'Racing Hairdryers' think they're really riding on: Valentino Rossi's Yamaha?